今天重新见回他......有种说不出的感受......
彼此认识了五年.... 吵过,打过,骂过,恨过,伤过,爱过,分过,怨过....
甚至到现在,我还是很想念那时候我们一起做过的疯狂事情......
会心灵相通的人, 都未必会在一起.....
就像我们一样,彼此都有着一个未了的心结....
彼此都有个遗憾,愧疚,舍不得......
我发现我的心里还是放不下,舍不得,离不开...
可是,他的身边已经有另外一个人了.....
那个人完全不是他以前所认识的人....
我的心,还是觉得很难受,应该还是无法接受啩..... 我们弄到现在,连要讲个话都很难,要好好讲也不够时间,要见个面距离太远.....总有个疙瘩.... 真的很好笑....
好想哭,好想哭,我觉得非常的无奈.....
因为我明白,我们以前的一切诺言,说过的话,意见,全部到底有几分真,几分假???
可是我就是那么爱着那个王八蛋.....
好想哭,好想哭.....
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Monday, March 19, 2012
2012
This is a brand new year for me,
maybe for the others, this year is just an another new year that will only passed by,
but,it is not the same for me...
In this year,
I am going to graduate...
In this year,
It is the year that I finish my Diploma in Nursing...In this year,
I am going to be 21 years old...
In this year,
I am going to have a real career...
In this year,
I am going to be an employee,a social worker as all the adults does...
In this year,
It is the last time I am going to be with my Class 2012 course mates in Adventist...
In this year,
I am going to step into another stages of life...
I have to think about my future,
What am I going to do after this,
Whether I want to maintain as a Diploma or further the study,
Which scope am I going to further study in...
It is very new and very adventurous year for me,
I feel very nervous in accepting this transformation...
I feel like I am not yet getting ready for this,
It turns out too fast...
3 years,
It may be long, and it may be short,
But it changed me a lot...
From my thoughts,
My thinkings,
My attitudes,
My observation,
My judgements,
My opinions,
My confidence,
How should I dress,
How should I communicate and explain,
How should I manage myself well in health,
and even how do I carry myself in the public...
I got a lot of uncertainty in this Year,
What am I going to be?
What am I going to do?
Where am I going to do?
Althought everybody can answer my stupid questions that,
I am going to be a nurse,
I am going to taking care of the sick and needed,
I will be in a Hospital...
But these is not what I mean,
It is the feeling about the uncertainty,
Maybe I will be okay when I am going through that process without thinking anything much...
Now I am in the March,
2 more months for me to go through the process of management,
2 more months for me to be a student nurse...
I got the butterflying feeling in my stomach,
and I also dont know how to explain the wierd feeling that I am going through...
It can be said as nervous,
but not as nervous as we always gone up to stage and have a performance,
It can be said as foreseek to the new things,
but sometimes I even ever think of just want to stop at there and dont change at all,
Maybe in the future I will be understand what is that feeling all about....
maybe for the others, this year is just an another new year that will only passed by,
but,it is not the same for me...
In this year,
I am going to graduate...
In this year,
It is the year that I finish my Diploma in Nursing...In this year,
I am going to be 21 years old...
In this year,
I am going to have a real career...
In this year,
I am going to be an employee,a social worker as all the adults does...
In this year,
It is the last time I am going to be with my Class 2012 course mates in Adventist...
In this year,
I am going to step into another stages of life...
I have to think about my future,
What am I going to do after this,
Whether I want to maintain as a Diploma or further the study,
Which scope am I going to further study in...
It is very new and very adventurous year for me,
I feel very nervous in accepting this transformation...
I feel like I am not yet getting ready for this,
It turns out too fast...
3 years,
It may be long, and it may be short,
But it changed me a lot...
From my thoughts,
My thinkings,
My attitudes,
My observation,
My judgements,
My opinions,
My confidence,
How should I dress,
How should I communicate and explain,
How should I manage myself well in health,
and even how do I carry myself in the public...
I got a lot of uncertainty in this Year,
What am I going to be?
What am I going to do?
Where am I going to do?
Althought everybody can answer my stupid questions that,
I am going to be a nurse,
I am going to taking care of the sick and needed,
I will be in a Hospital...
But these is not what I mean,
It is the feeling about the uncertainty,
Maybe I will be okay when I am going through that process without thinking anything much...
Now I am in the March,
2 more months for me to go through the process of management,
2 more months for me to be a student nurse...
I got the butterflying feeling in my stomach,
and I also dont know how to explain the wierd feeling that I am going through...
It can be said as nervous,
but not as nervous as we always gone up to stage and have a performance,
It can be said as foreseek to the new things,
but sometimes I even ever think of just want to stop at there and dont change at all,
Maybe in the future I will be understand what is that feeling all about....
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
已经够了，
是时候看开，
是时候该放手了吧。。。
可能，
这样，
对彼此都好。。。
有些事情，
你越是珍惜，
你越是害怕失去，
往往你抓得越紧，
好让他不会离开你，
他就会越喘不过气，
反而变成反效果，
想摆脱你，
离你而去。。。
人，
是很矛盾的，
有时往往都不知道自己要的是什么，
追求的是什么，
他们只追求别人所看到的美好。。。
他不知道，
这个东西，适不适合他，
他不知道，
这个东西，属不属于他，
他不知道，
得了这个东西，他有没有真正快乐过。。。
他只知道，
这个东西，别人都在追求着，
而他，已经得到了，
所以，跟别人比起来，
他觉得他很开心。。。
事实上，真的开心吗？？？
是发至内心的开心，
发至内心的满足吗？？？
没人知晓，
只有他内心深处明白。。。
得不到的东西，
往往是最好的，
可是很悲哀啊，
他从来都没有想过，
他身边有那么多让他开心让他快乐的东西，
他却没看到，
他反而去苦苦追求一个得不到，
不属于他的，
让他伤心的东西。。。
这是为什么呢？？？
可能是虚荣心吧，
可能是好胜吧，
更有可能是因为不甘心吧。。。
无论是什么，
都无所谓了，
是时候看开，
是时候该放手了吧。。。
可能，
这样，
对彼此都好。。。
有些事情，
你越是珍惜，
你越是害怕失去，
往往你抓得越紧，
好让他不会离开你，
他就会越喘不过气，
反而变成反效果，
想摆脱你，
离你而去。。。
人，
是很矛盾的，
有时往往都不知道自己要的是什么，
追求的是什么，
他们只追求别人所看到的美好。。。
他不知道，
这个东西，适不适合他，
他不知道，
这个东西，属不属于他，
他不知道，
得了这个东西，他有没有真正快乐过。。。
他只知道，
这个东西，别人都在追求着，
而他，已经得到了，
所以，跟别人比起来，
他觉得他很开心。。。
事实上，真的开心吗？？？
是发至内心的开心，
发至内心的满足吗？？？
没人知晓，
只有他内心深处明白。。。
得不到的东西，
往往是最好的，
可是很悲哀啊，
他从来都没有想过，
他身边有那么多让他开心让他快乐的东西，
他却没看到，
他反而去苦苦追求一个得不到，
不属于他的，
让他伤心的东西。。。
这是为什么呢？？？
可能是虚荣心吧，
可能是好胜吧，
更有可能是因为不甘心吧。。。
无论是什么，
都无所谓了，
Monday, June 20, 2011
今天，不懂为什么，
我又再哭了，
而且又是哭个不停，
我看我的哭功更上一城楼了。。。
（亏我还能装幽默说笑)
哭，
我很讨厌这样的自己，
对我来说哭就是懦弱，
哭就是输家，
我很不喜欢。。。
可是在今年里，
我哭了很多次，
平均这半年里，
我哭了至少有20多次呱。。。
今天，
我感觉心好痛，
痛到不懂要怎么办，
应该怎么办了，
那绞痛的感觉，
感觉快要窒息了，
眼泪只能一直不能控制的狂流。。。
我总觉得，这个人，不是我，
这么多年来，活到20岁，
我从来没有为一个事情这么伤心过，
我以为我是在做梦了，
可是我的心是真真实实的在痛着，
终于明白心痛是什么感觉了，
就是这种感觉。。。
为什么，
难道这个是天意吗？？？
是玩笑嘛？？？
明明很合得来，
明明很了解对方，
明明很在乎对方，
可是却不能有个好故事。。。
彼此都不需要太多的交谈解释，
只要一个眼神，
一个动作，
彼此就明白对方想的是什么，
要的是什么，
连争吵都非常有默契。。。
甚至连想法，
性格，
观念，
脾气，
喜好，
都几乎一样，
连我自己都觉得不可思议，
不敢相信。。。
可是，就是真的有这么一个人存在着，
就算只是认识不久，
感觉就好象认识很久了，
他就像是我的另一个自己一样，
有时候，在自己看不到自己犯错的地方，
对方能确确实实的指出来纠正自己，
彼此互补着。。。
这是一个很美的相遇跟缘分，
再加上我们都彼此有感觉，
我以为我已经找到我的故事了，
毕竟在这个世界上，
很难找到一个几乎懂你在想什么，
甚至更了解自己的人。。。
可能你活了一辈子，
都无法遇到这个人，
我很珍惜这个相遇，
可是他却不属于我的，
也可能永远不能属于我的。。。
他无法离开他的女朋友，
因为在遇到我之前他们已经许下承诺了。。。
这个是个玩笑吧，
一个天大的玩笑，
一个真实滑稽的玩笑，
彼此爱着对方，可是却不能在一起。。。
那个感觉，
比哑巴吃黄莲更苦，
很不好受。。。
我以为我不可能会经历这种事情，
可是，现在我却在经历着了。。。
我又再哭了，
而且又是哭个不停，
我看我的哭功更上一城楼了。。。
（亏我还能装幽默说笑)
哭，
我很讨厌这样的自己，
对我来说哭就是懦弱，
哭就是输家，
我很不喜欢。。。
可是在今年里，
我哭了很多次，
平均这半年里，
我哭了至少有20多次呱。。。
今天，
我感觉心好痛，
痛到不懂要怎么办，
应该怎么办了，
那绞痛的感觉，
感觉快要窒息了，
眼泪只能一直不能控制的狂流。。。
我总觉得，这个人，不是我，
这么多年来，活到20岁，
我从来没有为一个事情这么伤心过，
我以为我是在做梦了，
可是我的心是真真实实的在痛着，
终于明白心痛是什么感觉了，
就是这种感觉。。。
为什么，
难道这个是天意吗？？？
是玩笑嘛？？？
明明很合得来，
明明很了解对方，
明明很在乎对方，
可是却不能有个好故事。。。
彼此都不需要太多的交谈解释，
只要一个眼神，
一个动作，
彼此就明白对方想的是什么，
要的是什么，
连争吵都非常有默契。。。
甚至连想法，
性格，
观念，
脾气，
喜好，
都几乎一样，
连我自己都觉得不可思议，
不敢相信。。。
可是，就是真的有这么一个人存在着，
就算只是认识不久，
感觉就好象认识很久了，
他就像是我的另一个自己一样，
有时候，在自己看不到自己犯错的地方，
对方能确确实实的指出来纠正自己，
彼此互补着。。。
这是一个很美的相遇跟缘分，
再加上我们都彼此有感觉，
我以为我已经找到我的故事了，
毕竟在这个世界上，
很难找到一个几乎懂你在想什么，
甚至更了解自己的人。。。
可能你活了一辈子，
都无法遇到这个人，
我很珍惜这个相遇，
可是他却不属于我的，
也可能永远不能属于我的。。。
他无法离开他的女朋友，
因为在遇到我之前他们已经许下承诺了。。。
这个是个玩笑吧，
一个天大的玩笑，
一个真实滑稽的玩笑，
彼此爱着对方，可是却不能在一起。。。
那个感觉，
比哑巴吃黄莲更苦，
很不好受。。。
我以为我不可能会经历这种事情，
可是，现在我却在经历着了。。。
Friday, March 4, 2011
TIRED
dont know why.....
i am feeling tired....
why????
am i choosing the wrong road???
did nursing suite me actually???
i myself didnt know about it....
feeling of misserable....
what should i do???
why i cant perform well in THAT ward???
is she telling me the truth???
"year 2 sem 2 already!!!!still showing performances like year 1 sem 1!!!!i didnt know how you gone through all this until now!!!!"
this words keeps circling in my mind....
i also keep on evaluating myself of my performances in ward....
what she said is truth or it was a harsh word of beeing dislike me....
to punish me....
because i had made her collegue beeing scolded by boss.....
because of a little wrong mistake i had done on monday.....
i am very sorry about the things i had done....
i didnt mean it.....
i didnt know it would end up like this....
i am really very sorry....
can you all please dont treat people like a stupid person????
you all been gone through the same things as i do now....
as a student....training....
from a lay man until now is a professional....
but you all became so ego and full with pride....
can you all please be more patience in guiding us.....
we tried to communicate with you all....
but you all like a queen,head healding so high above,we feel that you all cant heard what we said....
if we tried to tell again, you all will show your unpleasant faces to us.....
how dare we want to communicate with you all????
i pray now to GOD,that YOU bless me this coming week that i am working in afternoon shift in THAT ward.....
please keep me having a strong spirit in physically and mentally....
that week is my last week in THAT ward....
pray GOD that i would not have any trouble in THAT ward anymore....
please keep me strong in facing all the crisis of the future....
i am feeling tired....
why????
am i choosing the wrong road???
did nursing suite me actually???
i myself didnt know about it....
feeling of misserable....
what should i do???
why i cant perform well in THAT ward???
is she telling me the truth???
"year 2 sem 2 already!!!!still showing performances like year 1 sem 1!!!!i didnt know how you gone through all this until now!!!!"
this words keeps circling in my mind....
i also keep on evaluating myself of my performances in ward....
what she said is truth or it was a harsh word of beeing dislike me....
to punish me....
because i had made her collegue beeing scolded by boss.....
because of a little wrong mistake i had done on monday.....
i am very sorry about the things i had done....
i didnt mean it.....
i didnt know it would end up like this....
i am really very sorry....
can you all please dont treat people like a stupid person????
you all been gone through the same things as i do now....
as a student....training....
from a lay man until now is a professional....
but you all became so ego and full with pride....
can you all please be more patience in guiding us.....
we tried to communicate with you all....
but you all like a queen,head healding so high above,we feel that you all cant heard what we said....
if we tried to tell again, you all will show your unpleasant faces to us.....
how dare we want to communicate with you all????
i pray now to GOD,that YOU bless me this coming week that i am working in afternoon shift in THAT ward.....
please keep me having a strong spirit in physically and mentally....
that week is my last week in THAT ward....
pray GOD that i would not have any trouble in THAT ward anymore....
please keep me strong in facing all the crisis of the future....
Friday, February 11, 2011
Here come the another new year.....
It is 2011 now.....
I been out of school and study outside for 2 years.......
As usual, I am now still studying......in college......
but I dont know why today.........
I had a feeling that I am lost.......
I am struggling........
struggling in study.......(as everybody is in now)
struggling for exams and quizes.......
struggling for good results.........
struggling for doing well in clinical.........
struggling for gaining more knowledge.......
struggling for being understanding to patient.......
struggling for providing what best for patient........
Feeling of cant breathe.......
What am I struggling for???
It keep asking me in my mind......
for the future???
In common sense , YA
is it so important to have a good result or a good performance????
In social thinking , YA
if you dont have that good result to certified that you are doing well in this few year training,then you are worthless????
In employee thinking , YA
IS THIS THE FACT???
The fact that you have to be the top one then you will have a bright future......
if you are not the top one, you will lose your bright future......
or maybe you will been facing more hardship in your future career.......
It is 2011 now.....
I been out of school and study outside for 2 years.......
As usual, I am now still studying......in college......
but I dont know why today.........
I had a feeling that I am lost.......
I am struggling........
struggling in study.......(as everybody is in now)
struggling for exams and quizes.......
struggling for good results.........
struggling for doing well in clinical.........
struggling for gaining more knowledge.......
struggling for being understanding to patient.......
struggling for providing what best for patient........
Feeling of cant breathe.......
What am I struggling for???
It keep asking me in my mind......
for the future???
In common sense , YA
is it so important to have a good result or a good performance????
In social thinking , YA
if you dont have that good result to certified that you are doing well in this few year training,then you are worthless????
In employee thinking , YA
IS THIS THE FACT???
The fact that you have to be the top one then you will have a bright future......
if you are not the top one, you will lose your bright future......
or maybe you will been facing more hardship in your future career.......
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Time Running Fast
Time running so fast....we already step into the month of february. Only left about 30 days more i will get my SPM result , feeling morer and morer nervous about knowing the result as the day reaching nearer and nearer. Before that, many of my friends already went to work , and some of them already knew where should they go and started to study since january , some were very lucky been chosen to go to PLKN had already went serving almost a month and had great fun there .
This Chinese New Year , all of my friends came back once again , but still some cannot make it as they have to work . I am very appreciated the time spending together with them . This 2009 Chinese New Year , almost everyday i seldom stayed at home , althought it was very tired going here going there and alway eat till very fulled , but i think it was a good memory to be remember . Most of us were classmate since standard 4 , after going to secondary school , we all still study in the same school for 5 years . Today all of them had to went back to study , serving and working again. I don"t know wether we all can meet again and maybe some have already change a lot when we meet . But i hope that we all will still remember each other .
Now all of my friends already start busy doing their own things now , i still do not know what am i going to do . I already can see that March as is waving it hands at me , telling me that there"s already not much time for me to play anymore . I have to make up my mind what am i going to do , which course do i need to take , where am i going to study ....... after getting my SPM result . I had thought about it for almost a month but still don"t have a conclusion . I also put this problem into my praying everyday , hope that i "ll get a clue soon .
This Chinese New Year , all of my friends came back once again , but still some cannot make it as they have to work . I am very appreciated the time spending together with them . This 2009 Chinese New Year , almost everyday i seldom stayed at home , althought it was very tired going here going there and alway eat till very fulled , but i think it was a good memory to be remember . Most of us were classmate since standard 4 , after going to secondary school , we all still study in the same school for 5 years . Today all of them had to went back to study , serving and working again. I don"t know wether we all can meet again and maybe some have already change a lot when we meet . But i hope that we all will still remember each other .
Now all of my friends already start busy doing their own things now , i still do not know what am i going to do . I already can see that March as is waving it hands at me , telling me that there"s already not much time for me to play anymore . I have to make up my mind what am i going to do , which course do i need to take , where am i going to study ....... after getting my SPM result . I had thought about it for almost a month but still don"t have a conclusion . I also put this problem into my praying everyday , hope that i "ll get a clue soon .
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